The Many Faces of Transition

Transition has been defined as being, “passage from one form, state, style or place to another” or “the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another“.

In Life, transition can present itself in many forms and with many different faces including:

• a change in career
• the end of a relationship
• the loss of a loved one
• moving from one phase of life to another (childhood to adolescence or the transition into middle age, whatever that is!)

Nature provides a wide variety of examples of Transitions.

The daily period of twilight – the time between night and day – takes minutes and it is during morning twilight, just before the sun rises that the day is at it’s coldest.  It is also the period of the day that gave rise to the popular inspirational quote, “The darkest hour is just before dawn”.

The caterpillar has to go through the transition stage of becoming a chrysalis, and then the further transition of breaking free from the chrysalis to emerge as a butterfly.  This can take several painstaking hours of struggle as the new butterfly uses the process of breaking free to start the transfer of fluid from it’s abdomen to it’s wings.  Without this process the butterfly would never be able to take to the skies.

Some transitions in nature take thousands of years like the desertification of the Sahara which saw it go from fertile grassland to the world’s largest desert in the space of about 2700 years, but is now reported as being at the beginning of a re-greening transition which, because of climate changes could see it returned to the lush savannah it once was.

And then there is that other Transition, the one that caused me to look at Transition in it’s wider context in the first place.  The Transition phase of Childbirth.

Being 9 months pregnant has sharpened my interest in this particular type of transition which is specifically defined as “a period of time that precedes the expulsive phase of labour“.  It can last anything from 10 minutes to a couple of hours and is the final part of the birthing process right before the baby pops out.

Labour transition is described by many as the most intense part of giving birth.  The contractions become stronger as they work to squeeze the baby down the birth canal and expel the fluid from their lungs in preparation for them taking their first breath of air.  A surge of adrenalin to the birthing mother during Transition brings with it the fight or flight response which leaves many women temporarily feeling like it is all too much.  Anger, anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt are classic characteristics of this stage of childbirth with many women reporting that at the transition stage they start trying to pack their bags to leave the hospital declaring that they just can’t do it anymore!  By all accounts it sounds pretty tough.

Which seems to be the way with transitions in general.

When we are going through any transition, it seems to be that with these periods of change often come some element of loss, challenge or struggle.

The caterpillar must be willing to give up being a caterpillar in order to become a butterfly.  The moon must give way to the warmth of the sun everyday, and the sun must return the courtesy at the end of the day.  Lush grassland is lost to the perpetual dry conditions of drought.  And the start of every new human life begins with a tremendous mental and physical challenge for both mother and baby.

Transitions in nature, are by definition, driven by The Laws of Nature, some of which we understand, such as instinct, and some of which we do not.  These transitions are beyond the control of the organisms that they affect.  The caterpillar doesn’t really have a choice about becoming a chrysalis and emerging as a butterfly.  It is driven to do so by a force beyond it’s control.

As humans, some transitions are forced upon us, and some transitions are in our best interests to choose to take.  Like leaving a bad relationship or an unfulfilling career.

And that is perhaps the greatest difference between the Transitions that occur in nature, and the Transitions that occur in our lives.  We get to choose.  In some cases we get to choose whether or not take the path of transition and in others we get to choose how we will respond to any transition that is forced upon us.

And there in lies the paradox of the human ability to choose.  Sometimes given the choice we abstain from utilising this unique gift which can always be used to make situations, ourselves and our environments better.

My husband posed an interesting question that illustrates this point:

“If caterpillars had the human ability to choose, would there be as many butterflies?”

The key to coping with transitions, in any of it’s forms, may lie in making the choice to come up with a strategy that acknowledges and embraces the situation so that it can be viewed optimistically.  This leaves us in a much better position to deal with it positively when we find ourselves going through the process.

I can only hope that the strategy I have for my upcoming transition is as effective in reality as it is on paper!

“When darkness is at it’s darkest, that is the beginning of all light.” Lao-Tzu

The Ingredients of a Belief

Have you ever stopped to think about why you believe the things that you do?  About what makes you certain that the things that you absolutely believe to be true, are in fact the truth?

Personally, I have come to believe that beliefs are not absolutes.  Which is why an honestly, earnestly held belief of one individual can be completely at odds with the beliefs of another individual who holds their own beliefs with the same level of conviction that their belief is ‘true’ and ‘right’.  We only need to look to religion for examples of this.

What is important to understand is that what we choose to believe has a powerful impact on the way we make decisions, and therefore ultimately on the way that life turns out for us.

So it is helpful to understand how our beliefs are formed and to know that we do have some control over what we choose to accept as our own personal beliefs.

Here is my belief on how BELIEFS are formed:  What we end up believing at any given time in our lives (many of our beliefs can and do change over time) is a mix, in variable proportions of our PERSONALITY, ENVIRONMENT & EXPERIENCES and CHARACTER.

PERSONALITY – This is the unchangeable, internal piece of you that makes you YOU. Your ‘soul‘ might be said to be at the heart of your personality and the rest of it comes from the undeniable effect of genetics and the unknown quantity that is contributed by the physiological chemistry that affected us in the womb, i.e the physical environment in which our physical body was first created.

These 3 ingredients combine to produce a unique blend that contributes to, but does not have to determine, how you see, interpret and respond to your world.  It is one of the rare parts of you that is beyond your control.  It is intrinsic.  It was finalised before you came into this world.  It is the ‘Nature’ part of the ‘Nature/Nurture’ debate.  It informs rather than determines your beliefs.
ENVIRONMENT & EXPERIENCE – These are inextricably linked and are largely made up of the following components:

Family – The beliefs or your parents and other family members with whom you spend a significant amount of time as you are growing up will have an influence on what you choose to believe and how you turn out.  However, we all have choices about how, and what we choose to absorb, especially as we get older.  Do not mistake influence for control.  The beliefs of your family do not control your own.  As we get older, to a larger and larger extent we have the ability to determine the level of influence which we allow our early environments to affect our present reality.

Friends – these are the people who we can choose to be around and what they do, say and think will undoubtedly affect what we do, say and think.  The best advice here is to choose your friends wisely and be conscious of the influence the people you choose to spend time with have over your own thought patterns and actions.

Experiences – These are the situations we go through, the circumstances in which we find ourselves.  They can be dramatic one off events or a series or pattern of ‘happenings’ that influence the way we perceive subsequent situations.  Again, we have more and more control over the experiences we allow ourselves to have as we get older.  We must therefore take more and more responsibility for the situations and circumstances in which we find ourselves.

CHARACTER – Our character is sometimes confused with personality, but it is in fact, the controlling element of how our personality manifests itself.  Character is 100% within our control.  It is made up of the attitude we choose to adopt in every situation.  It is shaped by the values and principles that we have chosen to adopt from all our other influences.  It underpins how we respond or react to situations and whether or not in fact, we choose to RESPOND or are driven by an instinctive, uncontrolled urge to REACT.  Our character should be our driving force and can be constructed by drawing on the influences which we are entirely in control of:

• the people we choose to associate with
• the material we choose to feed our minds (books, TV, music etc)
• the careers we choose to take
• the hobbies we choose to pursue (how we spend our free time)
• the lifestyle we choose to adopt

How in control are you of the beliefs that make you YOU?

Becoming

Whether you believe in the creation story or the theory of evolution, one thing remains constant.  Life, like it or not is constantly changing.  Our physical environment is changing, society is changing, technology is changing, the people around us are changing…some things get better and some things seem to get worse.

But if we are to thrive amongst this constantly changing landscape, we too must constantly be in the process of changing, adapting  and making choices that improve our chances of reaching the end of  our limited time on earth and being happy with the person we’ve become.

This idea of constantly being in the process of ‘becoming’ is tied up with one of my favourite concepts: POTENTIAL.

Rather than being seen as a target with a specific end point, Potential should instead be viewed as a pathway along which it should be our goal to travel as far as we can in the time we have.  The assumption should be that there is no end point, no finish, only infinite possibilities for growth and progression.  And this growth and progression comes about through the process of Becoming.

“Become the sort of person who does the things you want do to.”  This was Alistair Campbell talking at the launch of his book 52 Ways to Grow Your Business.  Growing your business is an example of the process of Becoming.  It is a business owner taking the decision to make some changes with a view to traveling the path of the potential of their business.

Earl Schoaff gives another great example of this when he talks about the process of Becoming a millionaire.  Not overnight like some people aspire to do by winning the lottery.  Rather he talks about the value of creating a million dollars from your own efforts and hard work.  He said (of having a goal to be a millionaire) “Do it for the skills you have to learn and the person you have to become.”

And Jim Rohn sums the point up nicely by adding, “If you want to be a millionaire you better become one so you get to keep the money!”

Becoming requires choice.  The best kind of choice is the one you make consciously with intention.  All other choices are choices of default – the random alternatives that are left over by not making a conscious decision.

After choice comes action, the doing.  Becoming anything, whether an actor, an athlete, a racing car driver, a doctor, or anything else of your choosing requires that you do the things that people who are already successful in that field, are either already doing, or did in their process of becoming the thing you aspire towards.  And what’s interesting is that despite their apparent success, the  best of them will probably still be in the process of learning, growing, changing and adapting.  They will still consider themselves to be becoming.

And here perhaps we can take a lesson from the stars.  The process that it takes for them to become what we know to be a star can take several hundred million years and then they continue to ‘be’ a star for a few billion years after that.  However the truth is that all the time we see them twinkling brightly in the night sky, they are continuing to go through a process of change that will one day see them eventually burn out.  Nothing lasts forever.  However I came across this sentence when investigating what happened at the end of a star’s life: “All stars evolve, age, and eventually explode or expire, leaving behind stellar remains.” (Yahoo)

Isn’t that a great standard to aspire to?  Continue to evolve and leave behind stellar remains.

Creation or evolution?  In our own lives, we get to do both.  Create the circumstances that will allow you to evolve into what you wish to become.  It’s a process.  And it’s one we are more in control of than most of us dare believe.

The greatest value in life is not what you get.  The greatest value in life is what you become. 

Jim Rohn

A 3 Point Strategy for Overcoming Adversity

Adversity is given a variety of dictionary definitions including

“A state of hardship or affliction; misfortune…A calamitous or unfortunate event or incident”*

Basically, it’s not very nice!

It can be hard to take at the time that it presents itself and if the adversity presents itself in the process of pursuing a goal, it can be tempting to adopt the view of Homer Simpson who famously advised Lisa and Bart after a big disappointment “Kids you tried your best, and you failed miserably.  The lesson is ‘Never Try’”

One thing is for sure though – like death, there is no way to avoid adversity completely so we may as well have some strategy in place for dealing with it when it inevitably shows up and I’d like to suggest an alternative to Homer’s philosophy.

If you are a regular reader of this blog then you will know that I believe that life is about the journey.  It is about the pursuit of goals.  It is about taking a journey and it’s about  what we learn along the way.  It is about how we grow as a human being as a result of identifying something we want and then going after it.  Even if we do not reach the end point of our goal, none of that learning or growth can be taken away.  It is arguably in the pursuit of and not the attainment of goals that the most value lies.

So here is a 3 point strategy for dealing with and overcoming adversity:

1. ACCEPT THAT YOU WILL EXPERIENCE ADVERSITIES: Every person, adult or teenager, sporty or non sporty, male, female, rich, poor, whatever your circumstances you WILL come across challenges.  You will experience failure and you will have disappointments.  So don’t be surprised when they show up – EXPECT THEM.  But don’t let them drag you down – CONFRONT THEM.  And don’t see them as having a negative impact on your life.  EMBRACE THEM instead as opportunities to help you LEARN, GROW and BECOME STRONGER.

It’s not what happens to you that is important – it’s what you DO about what happens that keeps you on a positive pathway.  Adversities are only things that ‘happen’.

2. ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU HAVE A CHOICE: In order for you to treat seemingly negative situations with a positive response, you have to consciously CHOOSE that response before the situation presents itself.  CONSCIOUSLY making that CHOICE gives you control over whether or not you become depressed and lacking in self confidence because of a situation OR whether you use that situation to develop RESILIENCE and STRENGTH OF CHARACTER which will give you the edge in every other area of life.

Overcoming adversity comes about as the result of conscious choices which you make for a specific purpose.

3. ACCEPT 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL THE OUTCOMES YOU GET IN LIFE: This DOES NOT mean that you start BLAMING yourself for everything that happens.  The difference between ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY and BLAMING either yourself or someone else is that ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY seeks to find a positive and constructive way forward.  BLAMING is a negative response that can descend into self-pity.  ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY is EMPOWERING as it puts you in a mindset of being in charge of yourself.  BLAMING leaves you discouraged and lacking in confidence.

 So accept responsibility by continually asking “what could I do to make the outcomes in my life better, either now or in the future?”

If we expect adversity as a necessary part of life, if we choose always to respond to it positively and if we accept responsibility for it when it appears, adversity can ultimately prove to be something for which we are later grateful.

*thefreedictionary.com

What Motivates the Motivated?

(This is a re-edited version of a post I wrote back in February for another site and I thought I would republish it here as the UK Athletics Olympic Trials are due to kick off today (Timetable)

I have recently been thinking a lot about what motivates people to continue along the grueling and arduous, sometimes painful, often tedious, path towards elite sport.

What are the motivations behind why we do it?  We often hear people quoted as saying that they are motivated by their dream of winning an Olympic medal, or by the sweet feeling of success that comes around when everything comes together, or just the fact that they love what they do.  We may love elements of what we do, but trust me, a lot of it ain’t fun!

I believe there are more personal, unique and individual reasons for pushing yourself to the limit, things that are more specific than just wanting to do your best or wanting to achieve something of significance.

I came very late to athletics at the age of 28.  This seems to be around about the time when you start doing the whole “What is the meaning of life? Why are we here” thing, if you haven’t already found something to be passionate about.  I came into it, not with a childhood dream of Olympic medals but with an adult curiosity around what would happen if I made a conscious decision to apply myself to something that was the one thing I remembered being quite good at school.  2½ years later, I found myself representing Great Britain at a World Championships! 

Motivation can evolve, and for me, the primary motivation became, using athletics as a tangible way of discovering, developing and applying principles, rules and techniques that can be applied to create success in other areas of life.  It became a kind of ‘life-laboratory’ or a workshop where I could refine and test the limits of a mindset that is transferable to other areas of life…in short, I’m all about maximising potential and athletics gave me an ideal way of expressing that.

The satisfy thrills of achievement when things go well and the adrenalin rush of competition are the emotional highs that provide addictive (seriously addictive I believe!) secondary motivators – the sugary icing on the cake that kept me coming back for more.

Being clear on exactly what motivates you, and being true to that motivation is what allows you to push through pain, overcome obstacles and willingly make sacrifices in pursuit of your objective.

What motivates you to do your ‘big thing’?  Please feel free to share in the comments…you might just motivate someone else!

“Motivation is an inner force that compels behaviours.  Your inner drives will propel you further and faster than external perks”

Denis Waitley

Making Peace with Surrender

In a world where commitment, persistence, determination and battling through obstacles is an operational norm, and not just an aspirational  state of being it can be difficult to know when it is appropriate to change a planned course of action, and even harder to go through the process of admitting defeat.

‘Quitting’ or ‘Giving Up’ is not an attractive prospect for someone who views being ‘bloody minded’ as a compliment!

But sometimes, we need to step outside of ourselves and take the view of someone in our corner with our best interests at heart.  And sometimes that means we need to give ourselves permission to throw in the towel.

Knowing when that point is however is never easy especially when you are immersed in the delusional, one dimensional mentality required when single mindedly pursuing a goal.

A fighter has either the ref or his trainer to bring an unwinnable  bout to a premature end, an army has it’s General to declare surrender in a battle with no hope of victory, and a business has a CEO to decided when it’s time to shut up shop.

As individuals though in life, we must make our own decisions regarding when continued determination is detrimental and when persistence needs to give way to peace.  Reinhold Niebuhr recognises the difficulty of making these decisions in his serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

Making the decision to move on from a goal before we have reached the specific end point which we set ourselves, can be more palatable if we remember 3 things:

1. Success is in the doing.  It is in the pursuit of a goal.  It is in what we learn along the way.  It is in how we grow as a human being as a result of identifying something we want and then going after it.  Even if we do not reach our end point, none of that can be taken away, and it is this that is arguably the most valuable part of the process of goal achievement.

“There is no failure in pouring your heart and soul and energy into something that didn’t work.  Failure is not trying at all.” Jim Rohn

 2. Releasing one thing can often make room for something much better for us in the long run.  It is possible to become so focused on the mechanics of something  that we fail to realise we are just spending time fixing problems just to stay afloat and are not in fact making any forward progress.  Sometimes in order to move forward you must change tracks entirely.

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

3. Losing a Battle does not mean Losing the War.  “Life aint a track meet, it’s a marathon” is a lyric from rap star, Ice Cube’s track, You Can Do It and sums up the fact that despite the inevitable disappointments, failures and losses that we will chalk up as we make our way through life, the outcome of one goal doesn’t form the whole story of our life.

And so in life, if we find ourselves in the position of having to raise the white flag and hold our hands up in defeat, we might take some timely comfort from The Olympic Creed:

The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph, but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered, but to have fought well.”

For me this is a personal blog written shortly  after I took the decision to abandon my pursuit of a place on the Barbados Olympic Team.  I had to concede defeat after an injury hit winter turned into a nightmare spring and when my right foot suffered an injury last week that left me unable to run for 4-6 weeks, I knew that this was one big goal I was going to have to let go.

But I do so confident that I fought a good fight.  And in that knowledge I have made  peace with my decision to surrender.

—————————————————-

I would like to thank some very special people who joined me in what became quite a battle over the last few months and gave so generously of their time, skill and resources:

Charley McConnell

Charley McConnell – My Coach – patiently persisted with me to the bitter end!

Rhiannon Jones

Rhiannon Jones – Chiropractor and Aquatic Therapist who also became my master motivator over the last few months and gave freely of her time and skills to work me to death in the pool!

Mark Buckingham

Mark Buckingham – Physiotherapist Extraordinaire. Has been in charge of rehabbing me through an interesting collection of injuries for over 7 years…this time though, we just ran out of time.

Romany Gurner

Romany Gurner – taught me all I know about Pilates and joined me in my battle for fitness with her laser machine in an effort to keep me in one piece!

Mark Cheetham and Adam Baker – Performance Consultants who I began working with in September 2010…they made a massive difference to my racing last year and were on hand again to help out this season

National Champs 2011 – Photo Courtesy of Ron Lawrence

I am eternally grateful to you and numerous other sponsors and supporters for supporting and believing in me – Thank you x

2011 Acceptance Speech

As I flicked through the pages of my 2011 diary, it struck me just how many people contributed to making my 36th year, my best year ever.

On this, the last day of the year, I wanted to take some time out to publicly say THANK YOU to as many of those people as possible – this is my 2011 Acceptance Speech, a sort of mass blog Shout out to folk who have knowingly, or otherwise, been a part of making my 2011 great:

Authors who created ‘Bread for my Head’ ‘Food for Thought’ and ‘Brain Training’ for me this Year – thank you for sharing your knowledge, ideas and skills:

Scott Alexander – Rhinosceros Success

Sam Carpenter – Work the System

Gary Chapman – The Five Love Languages

George Samuel Clason – The Richest Man in Babylon

Will Smith recommends "The Alchemist". click his pic to hear more 'Smith Philosophy'

Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist (as recommended to my by Will Smith)

Steven Covey – The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Richard Fenton & Andrea Waltz – Go for No

Darren Hardy – The Compound Effect, Making the Shift

Napoleon Hill – Think and Grow Rich, (as lent to me by Rebecca Lyne – thanks!) The 16 Laws of Success

Robert Kiyosaki – The Business of the 21st Century

Og Mandino – The Greatest Salesman in the World, The Greatest Secret in the World

Earl Nightingale – Lead the Field

Terry Orlick – In Pursuit of Excellence

Jim Rohn – The Power of Ambition, The Weekend Seminar, The Art of Exceptional Living,

Zig Ziglar – How to Get What you Want, Goals

Athletic Team – Experts & Supporters who have shared their Time, Expertise and Products to contribute to making me into the best athlete I can be – Thank You:

Coach – Charley McConnell

Physio’s – Adam Baker, Mark Buckingham, Mark Cheetham, Cath Riley

Sports Massage – Marie Steadman, Phil Croney

Nutrition Consultant – Cain Leatham (thanks for the intro Mr Hyner)

Sports Psychology – Karl Mullen, Terry Orlick,

Product Sponsors – Lorraine at Forever Living, Stephen Mack at Pur Col

All my clubmates and training partners at Corby AC

Thanks to all the volunteers who selflessly made all the events that we athletes competed in this year, possible.  Thanks to the British Milers Club for continuing to put on great events.  I would also like to thank the following athletes who have inspired me this year, either through their example or through providing that great mix of competitive camaraderie that makes racing fun:

Helen Clitheroe – your Euro Gold was magic! Along with Kelly Holmes, Paula Radcliffe and Jo Pavey you help me to BELIEVE! Marilyn Okoro – your solo effort ‘A’ standard for the Worlds was awe inspiring. Tara Bird – you are keeping me on my toes ; )

Business Partners – These are TOO numerous to all mention individually but I am part of a wonderful business that is based on the philosophy of getting ahead by helping other people achieve their goals – thank you Charles Widoger for setting it up that way.  Mark Adams, thanks for being a great upline sponsor and Mentor, Anita Harewood, thanks for being a fantastic team member and Leader in your own right.  Obviously a MASSIVE thanks to all my Customers, both new this year, and those that have been with me over the last 3 years.

Fellow Networkers – These are people, both online and ‘in reality’ from who I have learned and shared a lot over the last 10 months about how to create and grow relationships for business – it was always a pleasure, even at 7am!

Business and Bacon

Women in Business Leicester North, Women in Business Stamford

And an extra special group of business ladies who go by the name of The Pink Roses – thank you all for your unique contributions to making our mastermind group a reality. I appreciate you immensely:

Danielle – your cake rocks. The end.

Jacqui – your willingness to share what works in your straight talking way is a godsend!

Anna Geary – your ‘just get stuck in there’ attitude is to be admired.

Laura – I cannot wait to see you soar!

Anita – it’s a blessing and privilege to be your sister and business partner

Akila  – SO glad to have come across you and your sweet spirit

Anna Padfield – thank you for showing us how to be a high flyer : )

Corinna – what would I have done without you?

Gail – your ongoing encouragement and support is never taken for granted

Lorraine Turnpenny  – thank you for being my champion – I owe you ; )

Caroline Williams-Leto Hibbard – Our resident radio celebrity!  Thanks for creating the aroma of my wedding x

Friends – The Tried and True: From Hen nights to Birthdays, from Weddings to AGMs, thank you for making special events, special x

Family – Thank you for knowing me well and loving me anyway ; )

And to my (clear throat…) Husband, your unwavering support, belief and love is something I feel very lucky to be experiencing – Thank you so much x x

Of course there are LOADS of other people who have had a positive impact on my 2011, whose kindness, generosity and encouragement I am also thankful for  – apologies for not being able to list EVERYONE but I am no less appreciative of your input and effect.

So much to be grateful for in 2011…

Rock on 2012 – Enjoy your celebrations everyone!

x x x

The Hidden Gift in Marriage?

You will have to forgive me if the tone of this post diverts from what you have come to expect here at Your Life Rules, but I am still floating on the cloud of what was not only the best day of my life, but the best 2 weeks of my life.

And as they drew to a close I realised that the experiences of those 14 days were an almost perfect example of each of the principles contained in Your Life Rules.  This isn’t a surprise, but it is very encouraging.

There is perhaps no other day that is given as much thought, planning and preparation as a wedding day, and despite trying to stay quite relaxed about it all, mine was no exception.

Every detail is carefully orchestrated from who will be there, what will be said, what will be eaten, and what time everything will happen.

This all seems perfectly natural when planning a wedding, and Wedding Planners have even been able to carve out entire careers dedicated to assisting the process of creating the perfect day.

But what about the rest of your life?  When the last crumbs of wedding cake have been munched, and the posh frock is boxed away in the loft, how can you go about making sure that the days, weeks, months and years that follow have a chance of delivering to you those same feelings of pleasure, satisfaction and joy?

Of course, every day cannot be planned out like the day of your marriage – that would just be exhausting (and very expensive!) but the principles behind creating and planning your special day CAN and should be duplicated into every day that makes up the 29,200 or so days that we get in life (assuming we are lucky enough to at least make it to 80).  And that’s not many days when you look at it like that, especially if, like me you’ve already used up 13,194 of them!

Those principles, can be summed up in two words: CHOICE & CREATION

A wedding day provides you with evidence, if you need it, that we all have the Power within ourselves to Create through making well thought out Choices based on a pre-determined Design.  Through these choices we create our perfect day.

And although things will always happen that weren’t in your plan…accidents and rain being just 2 of the many things that are beyond your control (!), because you still get to choose your reaction to these things, the fact that they happen doesn’t have to affect how you feel about what you have created.

Once you understand the power that this gives you over the rest of your life, it is actually quite awesome. You can make your life a series of choices and creations according to your own master plan.  Planning a wedding may be the first time that someone truly frees themselves to believe that they are ‘allowed’ and able and in fact, entitled to create a part of their future.  Harnessing this belief and making a decision to duplicate it into the rest of your life may be the best gift that you recieve on your wedding day.

Next Post: 2011 Acceptance Speech

Reflecting on Amy Winehouse, Success & it’s Pursuit

When I started this blog I didn’t anticipate for one moment that I would be including a post on Amy Winehouse, but upon hearing of what some might refer to as her untimely death, I have found myself re-assessing the meaning of 2 of my favourite ‘success’ quotes:

Success is the progressive realisation of a worthy goal or ideal.  Earl Nightingale

&

Your life, my life, the life of each one of us is going to serve as either a warning or an example. A warning of the consequences of neglect, self-pity, lack of direction and ambition…or an example of talent put to use, of discipline self-imposed, and of objectives clearly perceived and intensely pursued.  Jim Rohn

On reflection both of these quotes refer to progression, direction and pursuit…PURSUIT.

Chris Gardener observed the following in his book The Pursuit of Happyness:

…I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?

Terry Orlick in his book In Pursuit of Excellence says:

There are seven critical elements of excellence that guide your pursuit of personal excellence: commitment, focused connection, confidence, positive images, mental readiness, distraction control and ongoing learning.

My own view on ‘the meaning of life’ and trying to make a success of it, is that the ‘Human Experience’ seems to have been set up as a challenge.  A Challenge to avoid what I have referred to previously as Spiritual Gravity – a seemingly natural pull towards ease and ultimately self destruction.  Seeking to overcome these challenges is what gives meaning, purpose and ultimately, satisfaction in life.

So maybe it is actually ‘in the pursuit’, in the actual process of trying to overcome the challenges, in the execution of the Blueprint for your Life and in the taking of a journey that you have consciously chosen for yourself, that the real purpose of life lies.  This would mean that Excellence, Happiness and ‘Arriving’ at your destination either through choice or through default are almost inconsequential compared to the process of getting there.

Of course, all of this only says what we have all heard a million times before, “Success is a journey not a destination” (Ben Sweetland)

Maybe for Amy, as with so many other talented and creative individuals, what others may have perceived as success was not something that formed part of what she would have chosen for her journey.  Maybe her objective success was just a place at which she arrived with no more pursuit or planning or conscious decision-making, than most of us employ when drifting into our first careers.  And so in the absence of ‘The Pursuit‘ towards a pre-determind goal she experienced the same, all too common dissatisfaction with life that is reality for so many other people.  Except perhaps because of the scale of her apparent success and the fact that she appeared to ‘have arrived’, her disillusionment may have been proportionately magnified.

Or, maybe unlike beauty which lies in the eye of the beholder, success, and what it means lies not in some abstract philosophy of someone looking from the outside in, but in the eye, the mind and the heart of the individual who looks out.

Maybe Amy did live her life exactly as she might have designed it, whatever anyone else might have thought, and maybe her life has ended just as she might have wished, gaining her entry to the infamous ’27 Club’ comprised of legendary musicians who have all died at the age of 27, including Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain.

Maybe “a worthy goal or ideal” is too restrictive a definition of success – who gets to say what is worthy or ideal?

Maybe “your life, my life, the life of each one of us” can serve as both an example AND a warning, and not simply as a model of one or the other.

Amy’s songwriting and musical talent was beyond question ‘successful’ in both a commercial and artistic sense.  Whether how she chose to live her life beyond her music can be considered successful or not, is a question that only Amy can answer.

Maybe now that she is at peace, she would say “Yes”.

Next Post: Why Being YOUR Best is Better than being THE Best

Potential and a Jar of Peanut Butter – Part 1

I was recently asked to do an assembly in a Primary school to talk about my sport and using a concept that came up during a discussion with one of my Twitter contacts, Lisa Rossetti, I came up with the title ‘Potential and a Jar of Peanut Butter’.

It went a little something like this…

My name is Karen Harewood and I live locally in Oadby.  I work from home as a consultant helping people save money on their bills at home and in their businesses.  But what I’m here to talk to you about today is my sport which is athletics.  I train as an 800m runner at Corby Athletics Club which I joined about 8 years ago.

What I’m going to talk to you about today will hopefully inspire at least one of you to think about being an athlete, but whatever each of you decides to be, the main message about this assembly is to be the best that YOU can be, at whatever you decide that is.

We then watched this video and had a little chit chat about what they got from it:

London 2012 Inspiration

I  think the important thing is that to have one winner, you have to have lots and lots of people trying their best, working hard to fulfill their potential.

We’ll come back to that word ‘potential’ in a few minutes but let me just take you back to when I was your age:

At school I really enjoyed writing stories and running!  I liked running everywhere.  I did some schools competitions but when I got invited to my first schools county championships I wasn’t able to go because it was on a Saturday and my parents religion meant that I wasn’t able to compete on a Saturday.  I decided that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on athletics anymore as competitions would always be on a Saturday, and then, when I moved on to a new school, they didn’t really do athletics there so I just forgot about running for nearly 15 years!

Then I began running again whilst I lived in America, just for fun carried on with that for a few years.  Then when I moved to Corby, we lived near to a running track and I thought, “I’m going to see what my potential would be if I really committed myself to training properly with a coach”.  At this point I was 28 years old which is quite an unusual age for someone to start training in athletics.

So I joined a training group run by the man who is still my coach, Charley McConnell and started training!

My training schedule is running 6 times a week, twice a week on the track and 4 times a week on the roads or grass, circuit training and weight lifting twice a week.

Now the important thing was I wanted to see what my potential was:  What do you think potential is?

The kids came up with some great responses including “trying your hardest’ and “trying to be your best”.  I then possibly overcomplicated it (!) by continuing:

Potential is all the possibilities that exist that you cannot see yet.  So each of you has possibilities of things you can be or do or have, but you have to decide what you want those things to be be, and then do the things you need to do to make them happen.  Potential is about getting the best or the most out of yourself.

…and that’s why I called this assembly Potential and a Jar of Peanut Butter.

Now one of the differences between athletes and other people is their ability to push themselves mentally in training sessions and races so that you can get more out of yourself, physically, than the average person.  Pushing yourself mentally means being able to use your mind to force your body to keep going even when your body is telling  you that you are too tired.

Getting more out of yourself or getting the most you possibly can out of yourself, so that you fulfill your potential requires you to think a certain way.  And this is where the jar of peanut butter comes in…ok who likes peanut butter?

Now there was to follow a demonstration which would have involved a volunteer scraping clean a nearly finished jar of peanut butter…my favourite breakfast topping, however having pre-checked with the head, I was informed that unfortunately one of the pupils was so severely allergic to peanuts that just being in the room with an option jar could prove fatal for him…so I thought it best to skip that bit!  But I would have said…

Now, who thinks this jar of peanut butter is finished?

Most people would say that this jar of peanut butter is finished and throw it away (or recycle it!)

But (Jake) if I give you this little teaspoon, I want you to try and scrape out the peanut butter that’s left in the jar and you can have that as your morning snack!  Right Jake we’re going to come back to you in a few minutes and see how you get on.

OK, while (Jake) is doing that I’m going to tell you a little bit about what pushing my self has helped me to achieve…

Part 2 to follow…